Keeping High Standards of Love by Mark Pickup

Recently, I met Mr. and Mrs. Smith (not their real names). Last year they lost their disabled daughter, Abby, at the age of 34. Abby was born profoundly handicapped: she never spoke a word, never walked, never fed herself or lived independently. But Abby was loved by her family. Mr. and Mrs. Smith are still grieving her death.

I asked them to tell me about her. A cascade of memories poured out, accompanied by photographs, as they reminisced about Abby’s life. At the end of my visit with Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I asked if Abby’s disability made their lives richer or poorer. Without hesitation, both responded in unison, “richer.” Mrs. Smith told me that Abby taught them “what really matters in life.” I asked, “What really matters?” “Health,” she responded.

Indeed. Health does matter. Every person wants a healthy life, a healthy spouse, healthy children and grandchildren. It is right for us to always thank God for our health and the health of loved ones. But we must also be aware that health never lasts. It can’t.

I know of what I write. I lost my health years ago. In my case it was the degenerative disease of multiple sclerosis. How would I answer the question: “What really matters?” Being a hopeless romantic, my answer would probably be “Love.” But that answer, too, is incomplete: Love of what? Just as we are not guaranteed health, neither are we guaranteed human love.

My own inner healing seriously started when I stopped focusing on my own situation of slow degeneration from disease. I needed to stop stewing in my predicament and become equally concerned for the predicaments of other people. Seeking to serve rather than be served.

What about those who can’t serve, like Abby? Again, appearances can be deceiving: Abby served by simply being here. Abby’s presence called others to a higher standard of love and service. That was her gift to us.

Mark Pickup is incurably ill and disabled with chronic, progressive multiple sclerosis. He has become a voice across North America against euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide for disability rights and inclusion within society.

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